Tag Archives: funny
Most people assume that milking a cow is a relaxing thing. But imagine if the cow resists. Chasing the cow across the field, tackling it down to the dewy grass, trying to squirt some milk into a glass bottle while the cow struggles. Just a thought.
Hey, maybe this could be a Geico commercial: “You’re a rebel cow. Unlike other cows, you resist and struggle in giving up your milk. It’s what you do.”
Ordering sandwich at the deli:
Me: “What is corned beef?”
Deli-meister: “It’s a beef that has been cured.”
Me: “Cured?!”
Deli-meister: “Yes, for example, today’s beef was suffering from chicken-pox. After 2 weeks of rest, it is now cured. We also have a special pastrami that was suffering from a broken leg. It should be fully recovered and ready by tomorrow.”
Me: “Hmm…”
Deli-meister: “Next week we have a very special pastrami that should be fully recovered from malaria.”
Me: “I think I’ll have the salad.”
New video game called “Call of Dooty”.
Rated “I” for Immature.
Katy Perry in the Super Bowl halftime show?! It’s a football game! It’s not a place for little girls music! The Super Bowl is a place where tough men play, a field where bones may break, and blood will spill. At least get some real women who rock, like Pat Benatar, or Joan Jett, or Twisted Sister! But Katy Perry?! That’s like putting a merry-go-round on a pirate ship! Or a boxer raising his hand during the middle of the fight to be excused so that he can take a wee wee in the little boys room.
Year after year it’s the same thing with this little girls music. Who are you aiming for in the ratings, men, or all those Oprahs out there? C’mon NFL! Be a man. Don’t turn the Super Bowl into a Martha Stewart show!
Is Katy Perry popular just because she sang some lame song “I kissed a girl”? Who didn’t kiss a girl, except for those sissys who planned the Super Bowl halftime show!
This is the kind of music that should be on a halftime show: Twisted Sister
not this: Katy Perry
By the way hopscotch fans, here’s the original “I kissed a girl” – Original: I kissed a girl
Booya!
Day 1 – Overtaken by my curiosity, I set sail on a journey to find out how far the Excel spreadsheet can be measured. Naturally, I begin with cell A1, then press the right arrow key, and I’m off to discover how far does the Excel spreadsheet go.
Day 5 – I’m fast approaching 50 letters to each column. Is this journey about to end?
Day 9 – I was prepared to end my quest at 50 letters per column, but alas, I blinked, and I am now at 80 letters per column.
Day 32 – Incredibly, the count has now reached several hundred letters per column. I regret not ending this journey of blank monotonous cells at 50 letters per column.
Curse you Excel! Tempting me, like Sirens alluring a Viking ship to its deadly end upon the rocks of a dark and violent sea. Knowing there will be a fateful end, but oblivious to when.
Day 157 – My beard is as long as my stench is strong. And my ear hairs…well you can imagine. My finger grows weary, but my determination remains strong, to find the end of this vast and fascinating Excel universe.
Day 212 – I ponder how my journey will end. Will I find the end of this great Excel universe, or will Excel find the end of me? I miss my family. Tell them I love them.
I was at a baseball game when a huge argument started right behind me between these two guys who were insulting each other. One guy said something bad about the other guy’s mother, then the other guy called him a Nazi. Then it went too far, and a fist fight broke out because one guy called the other guy a CEO for a health insurance company.
Did you hear about the new soap opera? It’s the most popular ever. It’s called Facebook!