You are here: Funny
You don’t need to count each grain of sand to know that you’re on the beach.
Waiter brings my order to the patio at a sports bar.
Waiter: “Your tossed salad, sir. Go deep, slant left at the red Volkswagen.”
I’m still hungry.
In the movie, DeadPool battles his arch enemy SwimmingPool.
Yay! 4/20 is Pollution Day at Golden Gate Park! Let’s celebrate pollution! All the wildlife creatures must really be enjoying 4/20! Yay for Pollution! Although, it’s a shame that tobacco smokers are being discriminated from being part of this pollution festival.
San Francisco is No. 1 in pot smoking. Yay! We’re the biggest polluter of them all! But I already knew that, from experiencing the daily disgusting, nauseating, stench everywhere on the stinking streets of San Francisco.
Who wants to be like those stupid liberals, with their stupid clean air ideas? People want to be cool, like Republicans, eliminate the EPA, pollute all they want, and puff literally STINKING DRUGS into people’s faces. Now that is cool!
This city event had a few incidents. Police arrested 22 unicorns, 4 weed whackers, and a ham sandwich! News at 11.
I dropped my smartphone in water, so as recommended, I buried the phone into a bag of rice.
But I forgot all about it, and ended up having smartphone fried rice for dinner.
If animals were distracted by smartphones as much as we are, they would be extinct by now.
Door at a Zen Center, rather than being labeled “Push” or “Pull”, it read: “It doesn’t matter”.
I showed the waitress my 10% coupon. So, she takes 10% off my bill, but she also removed 10% of my meal. I wish she didn’t take the drumstick.