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I got worried when I saw a big puff of smoke coming out from the roof of a McDonalds.
I later found out they were electing an assistant manager.
“…and this sad face on the sidewalk, marks the spot where the first mime was strangled by a tourist.”
Hello Americans,
Today I am announcing the new Supreme Court Justice. I don’t remember his name at the moment, but he’s a very nice man, a lovely man, who will pass some bigly laws with his gavel. He has a beautiful, shiny gavel. He made it himself from a magnificent redwood tree. If you saw his amazing gavel, you would be amazed.
And he looks so fantastic in his robe, which he also made himself. When he was young, he worked in the circus, and he borrowed his fellow trapeze artist’s…God rest his soul…cape to make a beautiful robe, because he hoped that one day he would be a great judge for the Supreme Court.
We both talked about making a law to give women the right to vote. I’ll leave that up to him. I won’t influence him on that. He’s the expert, so I’ll let him decide if women should vote.
This wonderful candidate for Supreme Court judge is just like you and me. Has his own business. His clothes hanger factory has been struggling, but he has great expectations that this year sales will be off the charts.
Speaking of charts, I really love waffles, with their fruit spread and powdered sugar. Waffles with powdered sugar is amazing. I can’t get enough of that powdered sugar. Watch out if I don’t get powdered sugar on my waffles! Let go my ego…heh, heh, heh. I wish everything was made of waffles, except waffle cones. I don’t like those sharp points.
♫ I read the news today, oh boy.♫
That’s my time folks. I gotta lot of tremendous work to do today, and I got a new shipment of pens.
Good night.
Watching those old time black & white TV shows. They had some wild game shows back then.
One was called: “How many cigarettes in baby’s mouth.”
And the popular “Infants vs. Roosters”
Young Whippersnapper: “…are you listening to me?”
Me: “You lost me at ‘like’ number seven.”
Last night’s Fortune Cookie:
“Your future wife is waiting for you…in our kitchen.”
Inherent Vice
I didn’t know what the movie “Inherent Vice” was before I went to see it. After watching it, I still have no idea what the movie is about. I can’t count the number of times that I resisted from standing up, and yelling: “Will someone please tell me what this movie is about?!”
And it was so inherently boring. Even the sex scene was boring! This movie consists of close-ups of various combinations of 2 people whispering to each other. It’s like watching a movie about people in a library! And if the dialogue was at a normal pace, this 2½ hour punishment would have been at least one hour shorter!
A woman gave birth during this movie, then the baby immediately ran out the door!
If your inherent vice is utter boredom, then this movie is for you.
Boyhood
Saw the movie Boyhood. I appreciate the effort of documenting a family for 12 years, but I already know that people grow up and do things. It was like watching one of those time lapse movies of a flower blooming, but minus the time lapse…and it was too blooming long!
Everyone knows that when you’re being filmed in a home movie, you try to ham it up a little, make it a little more entertaining. Apparently in this film, no one knew that the camera was on. No ham, and apparently no script.
You can avoid talking or using your smartphone in the movie theater, but how can you prevent snoring?
If you enjoy watching home movies about people that you don’t even know, then this movie is for you.
Applicant: “Hello, I’m here to apply for the position, and I understand you have Veterans preference.”
Interviewer: “Yes, you’re a Veteran?”
Applicant: “Yes, sir.”
Interviewer: “How many years have you been a Veteran?”
Applicant: “15 years, sir.”
Interviewer: “Army? Navy? Air Force? Marines?”
Applicant: “Salvation Army, sir.”
Interviewer: “Security!”