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I went to one of those Farm to Table restaurants. I ordered the scrambled eggs special. Waiter brings over a chicken and paint shaker. Good thing I didn’t order a milk shake.
Sometimes I’m so desperate for a hug, that I go to a restaurant, and pretend that I’m choking.
HIM: Want to see a movie?
HER: Yeah, Yesterday.
HIM: Wow, you really do want to see a movie. What movie do you want to see Friday?
HER: Yesterday is Friday.
HIM: No, yesterday was Wednesday.
HER: No, Yesterday is on Friday. I want to see Yesterday, tomorrow.
HIM: You want to see a movie tomorrow?
HER: Yesterday.
HIM: We can’t see a movie yesterday! It already passed.
HER: But Yesterday is tomorrow.
HIM: Okay, fine! You go see yesterday, tomorrow!
HER: So, you don’t want to see Yesterday with me?
HIM: I can’t see Yesterday, and you can’t see Yesterday, either!
HER: Really! Well, I’m just going by myself to see Yesterday, tomorrow.
HIM: I’m sorry, honey. Let’s not argue. Listen, they’re playing our song: ♪♫…Eight days a week…♫♪
After hearing that DC Universe canceled his TV series, Swamp Thing used Roundup to commit suicide.
Old guy: “In my day, we didn’t pull out a loose tooth by tying it to a door, because we didn’t have doors!
We had to find a wild boar to pull out a tooth!”
Remember, you don’t need to use dental floss, if you only drink water.
This week Donald Trump visited a Tech Museum.
When he walked past the Polygraph Machine, it exploded.
They say New York is the city that doesn’t sleep. Buenos Aires is the city that doesn’t let you sleep.
There was a news report about a family in Buenos Aires who was fined for sleeping, and their baby daughter got a warning.