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Olympic Gold Medal diver was asked how he become such an amazing diver.
“I used to be a hot dog vendor on Wall Street. I used to see some fantastic dives.”
You can tell that The Last Supper occurred during the Sabbath, because the TV was turned off.
When I was a kid, my Dad left to get cigarettes, but he never came back.
Then I remembered, my dad doesn’t smoke.
Isn’t bad enough already that we have to put up with other stupid habits like tobacco, alcohol, and religion?!
Here’s my take on legalizing marijuana: It’s bad enough we already have to put up with those stinking cigarettes. And then we also have to put up with people who drink too much alcohol and get stupid. But with marijuana, we have to put up with both the stinking smoke and the stupid person all in one, plus they get hungry, so pot smokers basically wind up being like a baby. A stinking, stupid, hungry baby.
They say that marijuana gets you high. No it doesn’t. This is high: “Yay, my team just won the Super Bowl!” or “Wow, I just got laid by 20 cheerleaders at once!” That’s high.
Marijuana gets you low, not high. Marijuana makes you say dumb things like: “Hi, refrigerator. You’re my coolest friend.” or “Hey, Dave. Look at my feet. They smell like the universe.”
They say: “How do you know you don’t like marijuana unless you try it?” Well I say: Why don’t you try eating jello with anchovies? How do you know you won’t like it unless you try it? Why don’t you staple your tongue to a pigeon? How do you know you won’t like it unless you try it?
And they say that pot smokers aren’t violent. Okay, pot smokers aren’t violent, but they cause people around them to be violent because we have to put up with a stinking, stupid, hungry baby.
News flash! A whole lot of people can’t stand the smell of pot!
Just like cigarettes and cigars, marijuana is also pollution. It’s like being in the middle of a skunk civil war! So, pot smokers, the only place you should be smoking marijuana, is straight up your stinking a##!
By the way, local news in San Francisco Bay Area reports how pot growers are stealing water from a children’s school, to the point that the school had to shut down for a while, and place locks on their water supply. And how pot growers are poisoning owls, because the owls are eating rats killed by rat poison spread by pot growers trying to protect their stinking crops. The pot industry will become as evil as the tobacco industry.
I listened to the the Solar Eclipse on the radio.
The Solar Eclipse gave Dracula a chance to get breakfast at McDonalds.
I watched the Solar Eclipse on the Internet, and I think I lost my hearing.
It’s expected there will be a lot of Solar Eclipse babies.
Fell asleep at the beach trying to watch the eclipse.
When I woke up, I had a big circle suntan on my chest.