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When I was a little kid, one of the first toys my parents gave me, was this Astronaut surveyor toy. I would pretend to be an astronaut, picking up moon rocks and stuff. But my parents would only let me play with it once a week. I later found out it was a vacuum cleaner.
The only thing I ever find in my Dreamcatcher is lint.
Today, in downtown San Francisco, 57 people were arrested for wearing white after Labor Day. Looks like they’ll be wearing orange for awhile, now.
Happy Bar Mitzvah. So now you’re a man? You can’t drive, you can’t drink, you can’t vote, you can’t go to R rated movies, you can’t shave, you can’t get married or even go on a date. Yeah, right. You’re a man now.
Superman teaches his young Superson to cross the street.
They look left, no car coming.
They look right, no car coming.
As soon as they step into the street, a truck falls on top of them.
Superman look up to the sky, and says: “Very funny, Supergirl.”
I went to one of those Farm to Table restaurants. I ordered the scrambled eggs special. Waiter brings over a chicken and paint shaker. Good thing I didn’t order a milk shake.
Sometimes I’m so desperate for a hug, that I go to a restaurant, and pretend that I’m choking.
HIM: Want to see a movie?
HER: Yeah, Yesterday.
HIM: Wow, you really do want to see a movie. What movie do you want to see Friday?
HER: Yesterday is Friday.
HIM: No, yesterday was Wednesday.
HER: No, Yesterday is on Friday. I want to see Yesterday, tomorrow.
HIM: You want to see a movie tomorrow?
HER: Yesterday.
HIM: We can’t see a movie yesterday! It already passed.
HER: But Yesterday is tomorrow.
HIM: Okay, fine! You go see yesterday, tomorrow!
HER: So, you don’t want to see Yesterday with me?
HIM: I can’t see Yesterday, and you can’t see Yesterday, either!
HER: Really! Well, I’m just going by myself to see Yesterday, tomorrow.
HIM: I’m sorry, honey. Let’s not argue. Listen, they’re playing our song: ♪♫…Eight days a week…♫♪