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Last night at Chinese restaurant, my fortune cookie read:
“Congratulations, your new wife is in our kitchen.”
Reynolds Wrap, the No. 1 choice for Conspiracy Theorists!
Made in America!
I went to Walgreens to look for a map.
They said: “We have one left, just for you, in the losers section, next to Pokémon slippers.”
Watched a drug commercial:
“We say ‘bleeding’ in our commercials, less times than the other guys”.
I just saw a Millennial dog.
It ignored the trees, but preferred the parking meters.
Life is like a box of chocolates.
It gives you constipation.