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Did you hear the one about the Praying Mantis couple having an argument?
The husband says: “Hey! You don’t have to bite my head o**”
Hey, I have an audition to be a Fox News reporter! How’s this?
“Today, the great and shirtless leader Vladimir Putin baked a cake for everyone in the United States.
Plus, a frog accidentally swallows a Police Station. Details at 11, on Fox News.”
So, do you think I’ll get the job?
Note to self: When giggling down the street because of something funny that popped into your head, make sure you’re wearing headphones, so people don’t think you’re crazy.
Today I learned that rolling pins may also be used for cooking.
Please advise.
Is the following message I received a misspelling, or a suggestive remark:
“Do you want to meat me, tonight?”
Friend had to take his dog to the pet chiropractor, after he curbed his dog.
In order to prevent pickpockets, I put mousetraps in my pockets.
A woman said to me: “Is that a mousetrap in your pocket, or you happy to see me?”
That’s how I get a lot of tail…if you know what I mean.
When I was a kid, we’d join the Boy Scouts just to wrestle bears.
A scratched face was our badge of honor.
Why am I getting more mosquito bites than everyone else?!
Later, while walking past an alley, I found a mosquito nest, next to a picture of me stuck to a wall.