Is rolling on the ground and crying, considered as exercise?


Me: “Why are you hitting the dog with a tablet?”
Him: “Because they don’t make newspapers anymore.”


Thinking about going to a different dentist…

My current dentist wants to charge me extra for procedures I don’t need.
Last time he wanted to perform brain surgery.


Missing child…

After years, police finally find missing boy. They ask next door neighbor:
“All these years, you saw this child, but didn’t inform the police. Didn’t you know he was missing?!”
Neighbor: “I’m lactose intolerant.”


Holey War

Oh no! The donuts are fighting the bagels! It’s a holey war!



Go into a church and you see this giant, dead, bleeding Jesus hanging on the wall.
And these are the people complaining about Halloween.


I’m surprised that bacon hasn’t become a currency yet.

Happy Holidays!

It’s that time of the year, people.
Someone tried to steal my package, and I got a groin pull!


Something stinks

If somebody has garlic breath…oh, that’s bad!
But if some pot smoker’s breath smells like they just licked an angry skunk’s ass…that’s fine?


Kermit the Frog…

Kermit the Frog revealed today, his results from AncestryDNA:
22% = ping pong ball
44% = pool table
34% = Gumby


Coming up!

Showing page 1 of 4 Next

  • Stand-up Comedy Showcase with Danny Dechi & Friends at Neck Of The Woods!
    January 23, 2018
    Neck Of The Woods
    San Francisco


  • Radio Ha Ha
    January 25, 2018
    FCC Free Radio
    Worldwide Podcast


  • Sunday Funnies at Kawika’s Ocean Beach Deli!
    January 28, 2018
    Kawika's Ocean Beach Deli
    San Francisco


See all shows >>

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