Tag Archives: comedy
Barista asks me if I’d like room for cream in my coffee.
I say: “No, but can you leave room for my cheeseburger? Because I live in the fast lane, baby!”
I think the old cartoons are more ethical than contemporary cartoons.
Back then, characters got blown up, thrown off cliffs, had anvils dropped on their head, smashed in the face with various objects, and set on fire.
But at least no one was ever punched in the stomach.
Opposite from West of the Mississippi, rivers East of the Mississippi run south to north. Which means any electronic device and wristwatch can be dropped into water East of the Mississippi without any damage.
Another Fun Fact from Mr. Science.
Have a cold? Did you know that a single punch to the stomach produces 500 milligrams of Vitamin C in your body?
Another Fun Fact from Mr. Science.
Talking to a friend of mine who is a big Ted Cruz fan:
Me: “Hey, you must be happy Ted Cruz won big yesterday.”
Him: “Yeah…I guess so.”
Me: “You don’t sound very thrilled. I thought you’re Cruz’ biggest fan.”
Him: “Maybe…”
Me: “Wait, you’re not changing your mind because of that booger incident during the debate, are you?”
Him: “It was disgusting! I can’t vote for someone that ate a booger! Think of the leader of our country shaking hands with dignitaries and people!”
Me: “Or kissing a baby!”
Him: “Eww… gross! I’m outta here. Going home to take a shower.”
As my friend leaves, I call out: “All Republicans eat boogers! Look it up on Wikipedia!”
Thank you Wikipedia for allowing people to update your web pages!
Honey is the only food that includes all substances necessary to sustain life, including enzymes, vitamins, minerals, and water; and it’s the only food that contains “pinocembrin”, an antioxidant associated with improved brain functioning.
In an unusual experiment, two grads from University of Cleveland immersed a dinosaur fossil into honey, remarkably causing the dinosaur to revive and become whole again! Unfortunately, upon learning what has become of the world, the dinosaur became despondent. It got a job at Dairy Queen so that it could afford to buy a used van, then took to the highest mountain in Ohio, and drove the van straight off a cliff. The current official extinction date of dinosaurs is now 1997 A.D.
Another fun fact from Mr. Science.
In the 1700s before modern technology, the only material available that was thin enough to make contact lenses, was the onion peel. The burn took a few weeks to wear off, hence the term “Town Crier”.
Another Fun Fact from Mr. Science.