Back to Top
 
 
 

Tag Archives: comedy

Marijuana turns you into a baby

Updated on

Legalize marijuana?! Isn’t bad enough already that we have to put up with other legalized stupid habits like tobacco, alcohol, and religion?!

Here’s my take on legalizing marijuana: It’s bad enough we already have to put up with those stinking cigarettes. And then we also have to put up with people who drink too much alcohol and get stupid. But with marijuana, we have to put up with both the stinking smoke and the stupid person all in one, plus they get hungry, so pot smokers basically wind up being like a baby. A stinking, stupid, hungry baby.

They say that marijuana gets you high. No it doesn’t. This is high: “Yay, my team just won the Super Bowl!” or “Wow, I just got laid by 20 cheerleaders at once!” That’s high.

Marijuana gets you low, not high. Marijuana makes you say dumb things like: “Hi, refrigerator. You’re my coolest friend.” or “Hey, Dave. Look at my feet. They smell like the universe.”

They say: “How do you know you don’t like marijuana unless you try it?” Well I say: Why don’t you try eating jello with anchovies? How do you know you won’t like it unless you try it? Why don’t you staple your tongue to a pigeon? How do you know you won’t like it unless you try it?

And they say that pot smokers aren’t violent. Okay, pot smokers aren’t violent, but they cause people around them to be violent because we have to put up with a stinking, stupid, hungry baby.

News flash! A whole lot of people can’t stand the smell of pot!

Just like cigarettes and cigars, marijuana is also pollution. It’s like being in the middle of a skunk civil war! So, pot smokers, the only place you should be smoking marijuana, is straight up your stinking a##!

By the way, local news in San Francisco Bay Area reports how pot growers are stealing water from a children’s school, to the point that the school had to shut down for a while, and place locks on their water supply. And how pot growers are poisoning owls, because the owls are eating rats killed by rat poison spread by pot growers trying to protect their stinking crops. The pot industry will become as evil as the tobacco industry.

  👍

Did Ted Cruz eat a booger during the Republican Debate?

Updated on

Talking to a friend of mine who is a big Ted Cruz fan:

Me: “Hey, you must be happy Ted Cruz won big yesterday.”

Him: “Yeah…I guess so.”

Me: “You don’t sound very thrilled. I thought you’re Cruz’ biggest fan.”

Him: “Maybe…”

Me: “Wait, you’re not changing your mind because of that booger incident during the debate, are you?”

Him: “It was disgusting! I can’t vote for someone that ate a booger! Think of the leader of our country shaking hands with dignitaries and people!”

Me: “Or kissing a baby!”

Him: “Eww… gross! I’m outta here. Going home to take a shower.”

As my friend leaves, I call out: “All Republicans eat boogers! Look it up on Wikipedia!”

Thank you Wikipedia for allowing people to update your web pages!

Did Ted Cruz eat a booger during the Republican Debate?

  👍

Fun Fact from Mr. Science: Honey

Updated on

Honey is the only food that includes all substances necessary to sustain life, including enzymes, vitamins, minerals, and water; and it’s the only food that contains “pinocembrin”, an antioxidant associated with improved brain functioning.

In an unusual experiment, two grads from University of Cleveland immersed a dinosaur fossil into honey, remarkably causing the dinosaur to revive and become whole again! Unfortunately, upon learning what has become of the world, the dinosaur became despondent. It got a job at Dairy Queen so that it could afford to buy a used van, then took to the highest mountain in Ohio, and drove the van straight off a cliff. The current official extinction date of dinosaurs is now 1997 A.D.

Another fun fact from Mr. Science.

  👍