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God: “Mother Nature! I said opposable, not disposable thumbs!”
Honey is the only food that includes all substances necessary to sustain life, including enzymes, vitamins, minerals, and water; and it’s the only food that contains “pinocembrin”, an antioxidant associated with improved brain functioning.
In an unusual experiment, two grads from University of Cleveland immersed a dinosaur fossil into honey, remarkably causing the dinosaur to revive and become whole again! Unfortunately, upon learning what has become of the world, the dinosaur became despondent. It got a job at Dairy Queen so that it could afford to buy a used van, then took to the highest mountain in Ohio, and drove the van straight off a cliff. The current official extinction date of dinosaurs is now 1997 A.D.
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Smartphones are nothing new. During Neanderthal times, a villager by the name of Uug, who wanted to make smoke signals easier to use, invented the compact smoke signal apparatus, which could fit in the palm of the hand. Unfortunately, this invention was a safety hazard, causing men’s beards to catch on fire. Uug was banished from his tribe.
Uug was frustrated in living in such an unsophisticated world, and only eating pebbles for breakfast. So he built a spaceship that took him to the planet Krypton. The red sun from that solar system gave him super powers, and he became a super hero. But only one week later, Krypton exploded, and no one knows what became of Supperuug. Fortunately, Krypton’s tragedy gave Earth our own Superman, thank Rao.
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During pre-historic times, carrots grew on trees, and were 15 to 25 feet long. They evolved to live underground in order to avoid those dinosaurs who were using the carrots to bat over the head of other dinosaurs.
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Pluto resides at the farthest end of our solar system, but also at the end of another adjacent solar system.
In order to maintain peace, both solar systems agreed to no longer recognize Pluto as a planet, and Jupiter as their sun.
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Did you know that alligators also shed crocodile tears?
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In the 1700s before modern technology, the only material available that was thin enough to make contact lenses, was the onion peel. The burn took a few weeks to wear off, hence the term “Town Crier”.
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The first were Irving & Sophie, not Adam & Eve. Irving & Sophie were a nice, quiet couple, entertaining themselves with nothing but Canasta. They didn’t have any kids because they didn’t know how to go about that. They lived until the ripe old age of 27 years. They met Adam & Eve once, but they thought they were a couple of hippies.
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For millions of years a lonely sponge, no bigger than a meatloaf, rested in the middle of a hot dessert.
As the Earth evolved, oceans shifted, immersing this sponge, thereby expanding it into what we know as today…Australia!
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As we saw in the 50s sitcoms, babies were first made by just kissing. Then, in the early 1960s, sex was invented when KFC’s Colonel Sanders discovered naughty drawings by Benjamin Franklin.
The Colonel made modifications to Franklin’s method, after observing chickens, and realized that a kite, a key, lightning, and handcuffs were not required to have sex, although handcuffs are still an option.
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(Don’t do drugs.)