Tag Archives: funny
Hey, ladies.
I’m quite the catch.
I own many stacks of toilet paper.
Platypus looks up to the sky, and says: “I’d like to make a complaint to management.”
At Olive Garden, we treat you like family.
OG: “Get a job, already! You just sit here all day, eating up all the breadsticks! Why can’t you be more like Frankie!”
Me: “But ma, I don’t want to be an accountant! I wanna be a singer, like Bruce Springsteen!”
OG: “Did, uh…did you just call me…ma? I’m not your mother. I only work here.”
Me: “Oops! Awkward.”
OG: “Come here, you.”
Me: “Hey, leggo my head! Why you rubbin’ my head!”
OG: “Cause at Olive Garden, you are family.”
Me: “Aw, thanks…ma?”
OG: “Now geddouttahere, before I start bawling all over your pretty face.”
Me: “I’ll be good, ma!”
OG: “Wait! Here, don’t forget your breadsticks.”
Me: “You’re the best, ma!”
Stay tuned for our next episode of Olive Garden Theater on Netflix: Broken Breadsticks
Ta Ta Ta Taaaaa…♪
Bought some anti-ant solution, poured it down my pants, in front of cashier: “Aaahhhhh, whew…ants in my pants.”
At Olive Garden, we treat you like family.
Your girlfriend is a whore!
At Olive Garden, we treat you like family.
Me: “Um, next week I’ll be at, uh…Applebee’s.”
OG: “Oh my God! You’re breakin’ my heart! Take me now, Lord! Take me now!”
At Olive Garden, we treat you like family.
Me: “Please don’t do that.”