You are here: Funny
Was so excited that Amazon convention was coming to San Francisco, but later disappointed that it was Amazon.com
Darn, I was really hoping to meet Wonder Woman!
Recipes probably created by a guy:
Customer: “Excuse me, Chef. But this pasta is not completely cooked.”
Chef: “Oh, it’s fine, it’s Al dente!”
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Customer: “Excuse me, Chef. But this soup is totally cold.”
Chef: “Oh, it’s fine, it’s Gazpacho!”
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A guy also probably invented Goober (peanut butter & jelly in same jar), and Big Sausage Pizza.
I propose a new Proposition to increase the alphabet to 38 letters so that there can be more Propositions.
Traditionally on Thanksgiving, the President pardons a turkey.
If Donald Trump becomes President, he will pardon a pumpkin.
It’s spice pumpkin season again! Everything is going orange, like coffee, pastries, pancakes, etc.
At a NYC Starbucks, an employee accidentally grabbed Donald Trump’s head, and almost shoved it into the blender!
Suggestion for Undecided Voters:
If you haven’t yet decided between having health care
or
having to raise your own leaches, then maybe voting is not for you.
If you haven’t yet decided whether to believe Scientists or Republicans, regarding climate change, then maybe voting is not for you.
If you haven’t yet decided between a candidate who is supported by white supremacists
or
one who isn’t, then maybe voting is not for you.
If you haven’t yet decided between having you paying more taxes
or
the wealthy paying more taxes, then maybe voting is not for you.
If you haven’t yet decided between the party that supports women’s rights
or
the party that justifies rape as a gift from god, then maybe voting is not for you.
If you haven’t yet decided between right and wrong, then maybe voting is not for you.
So if you’re undecided regarding issues that you should have decided on since day one, please do us all a huge favor, and Do Not Vote.
This way, in the future, politicians will know not to waste their efforts on undecided voters. Instead they will be forced to discuss more important issues, rather than having a beauty contest and jingling shiny objects in front of all of us.
Again, undecided voters please do us all a huge favor, and Do Not Vote. Just continue watching reality shows, and embracing denial as your one true savior.
Hey, Democrats! Don’t be lazy, go out and vote! The Republicans vote. That’s why we end up with a bunch of lunatic monsters like Donald “why can’t we use nukes” Trump, Mike Pence, Sarah Palin, Ted Cruz, Rick Santorum, and various other assorted nuts.
So sorry that you can’t vote on your smartphones. I wish we could, not for me, but for you lazy Democrats! Make a sacrifice this November, skip your latte frappuccino macchiato supercalifragilisticexpialidocious with room for cream, and your butternut squash chocolate chip croissant. Take a bottle of water and a banana, get some fresh air, and get in line to vote!
And don’t just vote for President you lazy Democrats. This isn’t a dictatorship. You need to vote for Senators, House Representatives, Governor, Mayor, meter maids, etc. But wait there’s more! Every 2 years there are also elections for Senators, House Representatives, Governor, Mayor, meter maids, etc.
Go vote every 2 years you lazy Democrats, so we don’t continue this rollercoaster of majority Democrats one year, then majority Republicans 2 years later, then back and forth every 2 years.
Republicans are against government. Remember, government is Of the people, By the people, and For the people. So if you’re against the government, then you’re against the people and our Democracy. And if we vote for the right people, who knows, maybe one day we will be able to vote on our smartphones, or the chip in our brain.