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Try this at work:
“Hey, Dave. I saw a bunch of people hanging around your desk, and they had marshmallows.
I think your desk is on fire.”
Went to the optometrist today, and I found out that my vision gets blurry when punched in both eyes. So the doctor prescribed me to wear his prescription safety goggles.
After leaving his office, I noticed that I needed an adjustment to the goggles. Doctor told me to come to his other office the next day, at the meat processing plant.
He only accepts money orders delivered by his own carrier pigeon. I think he’s a germophobe.
And that’s my review.
Today attended strangest brown bag lunch meeting ever. Everyone had a brown bag over their head.
One guy had a plastic bag over his head, and is recovering at General Hospital.
The reason I never owned a skateboard or a kick scooter, is because I never liked transportation which you have to ride and walk at the same time.
Friend of mine is upset because his boss wouldn’t let him work from home, just because he’s a surgeon.
Just before I walk in the door of the Buffalo Burger Joint, a car sputters up next to me, then lets out a loud bang.
All of a sudden, a huge herd of buffalo crash out of the restaurant, breaking through windows and stuff!
I had to wait 15 minutes to cross the street!
True story.