Danny Dechi Standup Comedy http://dannydechi.com Off-the-Wall Comedy! Thu, 24 Apr 2014 18:23:25 +0000 en hourly 1 Off-the-Wall Comedy! Danny Dechi Standup Comedy no Danny Dechi Off-the-Wall Comedy! Danny Dechi Standup Comedy http://dannydechi.com/wp-content/plugins/powerpress/rss_default.jpg http://dannydechi.com San Francisco, CA Weekly Marijuana turns you into a baby http://dannydechi.com/2014/04/03/marijuana-turns-you-into-a-baby/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=marijuana-turns-you-into-a-baby http://dannydechi.com/2014/04/03/marijuana-turns-you-into-a-baby/#comments Thu, 03 Apr 2014 21:02:16 +0000 dannydd2 http://dannydechi.com/?p=1223 Here’s my take on legalizing marijuana: It’s bad enough we already have to put up with those stinking cigarettes. And then we also have to put up with people who drink too much alcohol and get stupid. But with marijuana, we have to put up with both the stinking smoke and the stupid person all in one, plus they get hungry, so pot smokers basically wind up being like a baby. A stinking, stupid, hungry baby.

They say that marijuana gets you high. No it doesn’t. This is high: “Yay, my team just won the Super Bowl!” or “Wow, I just got laid by 20 cheerleaders at once!” That’s high.

Marijuana gets you low, not high. Marijuana makes you say dumb things like: “Hi, refrigerator. You’re my coolest friend.” or “Hey, Dave. Look at my feet. They smell like the universe.”

They say: “How do you know you don’t like marijuana unless you try it?” Well I say: How about if you get punched in the groin? How do you know you won’t like it unless you try it? or Why don’t you staple your tongue to a pigeon? How do you know you won’t like it unless you try it?

And they say that pot smokers aren’t violent. Okay, pot smokers aren’t violent, but they cause people around them to be violent because we have to put up with a stinking, stupid, hungry baby.

News flash! A whole lot of people can’t stand the smell of pot!

Just like cigarettes and cigars, marijuana is also pollution. So, pot smokers, the only place you should be smoking marijuana, is straight up your stinking a##!

By the way, local news in San Francisco Bay Area reports how pot growers are stealing water from a children’s school, to the point that the school had to shut down for a while, and place locks on their water supply. And how pot growers are poisoning owls, because the owls are eating rats killed by rat poison spread by pot growers trying to protect their stinking crops. The pot industry will become as evil as the tobacco industry.

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http://dannydechi.com/2014/03/24/1221/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=1221 http://dannydechi.com/2014/03/24/1221/#comments Mon, 24 Mar 2014 18:54:01 +0000 dannydd2 http://dannydechi.com/?p=1221
If a comedian tells a joke, and no one is there to hear, will a tree fall on him?
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Wolverine – 20 Years Later http://dannydechi.com/2014/02/18/wolverine-20-years-later/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=wolverine-20-years-later http://dannydechi.com/2014/02/18/wolverine-20-years-later/#comments Tue, 18 Feb 2014 19:18:26 +0000 dannydd2 http://dannydechi.com/?p=1192 Wolverine Dechi

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Grammy Awards – boring http://dannydechi.com/2014/01/29/grammy-awards-boring/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=grammy-awards-boring http://dannydechi.com/2014/01/29/grammy-awards-boring/#comments Wed, 29 Jan 2014 18:45:45 +0000 dannydd2 http://dannydechi.com/?p=1176 Grammy Awards last night was so lame. Music was rhythmless, whiny, and boring. I guess this is what we have to put with, since having a generation of “musicians” who grew up on Barney the Dinosaur. I didn’t see a musical instrument until an hour and 15 minutes into the show. It was a piano.

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I’m still at Candlestick Park! http://dannydechi.com/2014/01/02/im-still-at-candlestick-park/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=im-still-at-candlestick-park http://dannydechi.com/2014/01/02/im-still-at-candlestick-park/#comments Thu, 02 Jan 2014 22:32:36 +0000 dannydd2 http://dannydechi.com/?p=1156
CandlestickParkLast GameHere’s me. 3 days after the last game ever at Candlestick Park, with the security guard still trying to pull me out of the stadium.
My arms are getting weary. Can someone please bring me some spinach, and maybe a cup of water?
So who’s with me? Who wants to join me, and show those greedy owners who the real 49ers fans are?
Stay 49ers! Stay 49ers! Stay 49ers!
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“Energy” drinks? http://dannydechi.com/2013/12/09/energy-drinks/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=energy-drinks http://dannydechi.com/2013/12/09/energy-drinks/#comments Mon, 09 Dec 2013 19:03:25 +0000 dannydd2 http://dannydechi.com/?p=1130 Those so-called “Energy” drinks don’t really give you energy. Instead, they hype you up with all that caffeine and sugar.

If you want real energy, try Food®.

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Most Popular Soap Opera http://dannydechi.com/2013/12/09/most-popular-soap-opera/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=most-popular-soap-opera http://dannydechi.com/2013/12/09/most-popular-soap-opera/#comments Mon, 09 Dec 2013 18:59:25 +0000 dannydd2 http://dannydechi.com/?p=1127 Did you hear about the new soap opera? It’s the most popular ever. It’s called Facebook!

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Dr. Phil Movie http://dannydechi.com/2013/12/03/dr-phil-movie/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=dr-phil-movie http://dannydechi.com/2013/12/03/dr-phil-movie/#comments Tue, 03 Dec 2013 22:08:14 +0000 dannydd2 http://dannydechi.com/?p=1124 I had a dream last night. I’m on the set for the upcoming movie about Dr. Phil. My role is playing one of Dr. Phil’s patients. I quietly sit face-to-face with the great Dr. Phil while he lectures me.

I think I need a stuntman.

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Candlestick Park seagulls http://dannydechi.com/2013/11/25/candlestick-park-seagulls/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=candlestick-park-seagulls http://dannydechi.com/2013/11/25/candlestick-park-seagulls/#comments Mon, 25 Nov 2013 17:03:54 +0000 dannydd2 http://dannydechi.com/?p=1103 Right around 4PM when the 49ERS football game is about over, seagulls at Candlestick Park know it’s time to flock the stands to gather food left over by the fans. Due to the York family, who owns the 49ERS, and is moving the team to Santa Clara, the environmental impact if Candlestick Park is demolished, will be seagulls, including baby seagulls, will starve to death. The York family will have thousands of seagulls on their head!

If you want to know what I think of the new stadium, read this: Taking it in the End Zone

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Funny things about that Government Shutdown http://dannydechi.com/2013/10/19/funny-things-about-that-government-shutdown/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=funny-things-about-that-government-shutdown http://dannydechi.com/2013/10/19/funny-things-about-that-government-shutdown/#comments Sat, 19 Oct 2013 23:04:03 +0000 dannydd2 http://dannydechi.com/?p=1070 Why are people so complacent about the government shutdown?

Because the Internet replaced torches and pitchforks.

C’mon people! Let’s go Frankenstein on them!

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I received this message from a Republican politician:

“Dear citizen. I am sorry I failed you. I did my best to take away your health care and your government contracting job. Next time I initiate a government shutdown, I’ll do better by not only taking away your health care and job, but I will also burn down your house and eat your baby.

Please forgive me, and vote for me again on the next election. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you’d like me to do you any more favors.

Sincerely,

Your friendly neighborhood Republican.”

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Some blond on Fox “News” commented regarding the government shutdown: “What would Ronald Reagan do?”

Nothing! Because he’s dead. Get over it, and move on with your blond life.

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During the government shutdown, I had to supplement my income, and I did some things which I’m ashamed of. So please do not buy these movies:

“Danny Does Daly City” and “The Sexy Trampoline”.

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Hey, Republicans! Darth Vader called, and he wants his evil back.

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