Bobbing for Apples

Kids are so soft nowadays, with their fancy games Bobbing for Apples.
When I was a kid, we went Bobbing for French Fries.

Hey hairy guys!

Hey hairy guys!
There’s a new shampoo for you.
It’s called Hairy Shoulders.

Birth in mid-air

She actually gave birth in mid-air, halfway over the fence.
They’re looking at the instant replay to see if there was possession on, or before the border line.


Music Nowadays

When I was a kid, old people would tell me: “Hey, turn that down! Your music’s too loud!”
Now that I’m grown up, I tell youngsters: “What is this? A poetry reading? Your music’s too soft!”
What happened?


It must be Halloween

It must be Halloween, because today I got an EEEEEEEEEEEEEE-mail!


Halloween Costume

No, I’m not dressed up as
Harry Potter!
I’m Bill Gates!


Moby Dick

I recently learned that Abraham Lincoln was not in the movie Moby Dick.
I also learned that Captain Ahab was not kinky. He just happened to get tied to a sperm whale. There was nothing more to it than that.


Praying Mantis couple having an argument

Did you hear the one about the Praying Mantis couple having an argument?
The husband says: “Hey! You don’t have to bite my head o**”


My Fox News Audition

Hey, I have an audition to be a Fox News reporter! How’s this?
“Today, the great and shirtless leader Vladimir Putin baked a cake for everyone in the United States.
Plus, a frog accidentally swallows a Police Station. Details at… Continue reading


Note to self

Note to self: When giggling down the street because of something funny that popped into your head, make sure you’re wearing headphones, so people don’t think you’re crazy.


Coming up!

Showing page 1 of 4 Next

  • Radio Ha Ha
    December 13, 2018
    FCC Free Radio
    Worldwide Podcast


  • Mr. Science at The Marsh Theatre
    December 17, 2018
    The Marsh
    San Francisco


  • Radio Ha Ha
    December 20, 2018
    FCC Free Radio
    Worldwide Podcast


See all shows >>

Mailing List!

Email Format

Buy my Book!

"It's so FUNNY that you may need to wear diapers!"
"Two thumbs UP! WAY UP!"
(Says Roger Ebert Impersonator)
"AAACK! It's all true!"
(Says Danny's Girlfriend)

Swag Bag

There are no items in your cart.