Author Archives: dannydd2
In my day, we used to text people with a typewriter.
Boss: “Why are you late?”
Me: “My neighbor ate the rooster.”
The longest last name ever is exactly 1 billion characters long, and it takes 17 years to read, at the DMV. Another Fun Fact from Mr. Science.
In my day, we had a Pasta Fest the night before Bay to Breakers and we stuffed ourselves sick before running. We partied and got home after 4AM then rushed to get to the front of the starting line at 8AM because, if you were way back, it’d take you a half hour to reach the starting line when the race started and because some people wore garbage bags to keep warm, and they’d rip them off as soon as the running started. You didn’t want to step on them because those bags were slicker than a banana peel. The race started at 8AM and drinking at 7AM (except me). We didn’t have categories for walkers or slower walkers or very slow walkers. There was only one category – runners! Unlike today, where everyone gets a medal, in my day, there was only one medal. Guess who got it? That’s right! The winner! The guy who ran 12K (7.4 miles) with a life size giraffe costume on and two dummies hanging on its neck, dead drunk, finished first.
Beginning in June, the FDA updated the 5 second rule to 33 seconds.
You’re welcome.
Thanks to 23andMe, I found out that I’m 78% Kermit The Frog.
Which explains my voice.
Remember, you can always end any conversation by simply saying:
“Because that’s how I roll, baby.”