Author Archives: dannydd2
Platypus looks up to the sky, and says: “I’d like to make a complaint to management.”
If you stick blueberries into your ears, everything will sound like Cool Jazz. Another Fun Fact from Mr. Science.
Of the three Christopher Columbus ships, the Pinto didn’t make it, because the Santa Maria rear-ended it, causing it to blow up. Another Fun Fact from Mr. Science.
Lobsters mating ritual involves standing on their tails while snapping their claws.
And that’s how Ricardo “Half Nose” Flamenco, invented Flamenco dancing.
Another Fun Fact from Mr. Science.
At Olive Garden, we treat you like family.
OG: “Get a job, already! You just sit here all day, eating up all the breadsticks! Why can’t you be more like Frankie!”
Me: “But ma, I don’t want to be an accountant! I wanna be a singer, like Bruce Springsteen!”
OG: “Did, uh…did you just call me…ma? I’m not your mother. I only work here.”
Me: “Oops! Awkward.”
OG: “Come here, you.”
Me: “Hey, leggo my head! Why you rubbin’ my head!”
OG: “Cause at Olive Garden, you are family.”
Me: “Aw, thanks…ma?”
OG: “Now geddouttahere, before I start bawling all over your pretty face.”
Me: “I’ll be good, ma!”
OG: “Wait! Here, don’t forget your breadsticks.”
Me: “You’re the best, ma!”
Stay tuned for our next episode of Olive Garden Theater on Netflix: Broken Breadsticks
Ta Ta Ta Taaaaa…♪
Bought some anti-ant solution, poured it down my pants, in front of cashier: “Aaahhhhh, whew…ants in my pants.”
At Olive Garden, we treat you like family.
Your girlfriend is a whore!
At Olive Garden, we treat you like family.
Me: “Um, next week I’ll be at, uh…Applebee’s.”
OG: “Oh my God! You’re breakin’ my heart! Take me now, Lord! Take me now!”
At Olive Garden, we treat you like family.
Me: “Please don’t do that.”